Thursday, October 18, 2012

An update on H

After weeks of waiting we went back to the hospital for H's ABR test (Auditory Brainstem Response for those who are curious) this past Tuesday. And we found out ... that H has an ear infection. We couldn't do the test and have to wait until the fluid clears before they try it, and this can take up to a couple of months. Are. You. Kidding. Me.

So this means we still have no answers. I was really afraid that H wouldn't sleep long enough again (as that's why we didn't get complete results at the last test) and would have to come back for another test, so I woke H up early and kept him up through his morning nap so that by the time we got to the hospital he was exhausted. I tell you, that was a long morning. H was so tired he would fall asleep sitting up if I tried to read to him, and at one point was just crawling around crying. Oh, and did I mention he couldn't eat either? No fun. When the doctor looked in his ears and declared there was fluid and the beginning of an ear infection, I burst into tears. I mean, come on, this was our fifth failed attempt to measure his hearing. Is there no end to this?

We headed home with heavy hearts and an appointment to come back and have his ears checked in a month. If they are clear then we'll go for an ABR the next week. In the meantime we wait. Our very wonderful speech language pathologist suggested we start checking out the available early intervention centres in the area (there are three). And we go back to researching communication methods, which is a whole other blog post. And we get perhaps a little reprieve, because we don't really have to face anything concrete yet.

The discovery that there is fluid in his ears gives us an easy pass to denial-town, because of course he can't hear us if there is fluid in his ears, right? Oh this is dangerous. The fact is the audiologist is quite positive there is permanent hearing loss in both ears. And after the last few weeks working so hard to come to terms with this, hope, especially unsubstantiated hope, feels very risky. But my mama heart wants to cling to anything if it means my baby doesn't have to deal with this.

So I'll research, and learn signs, and read, sing and talk talk talk to my boy. And enjoy the delay of some of the more daunting aspects of this, like learning what exactly he hears and trying to get a very stubborn one year old to keep hearing aids in. And soak in the joy of spending my days with this face.

1 comment:

theRachel said...

Sending love your way. What a sweet face indeed. xox