Last Wednesday we brought our hungry, sleepy boy to BC Children's hospital for our 5th (yes - FIFTH!) sedated hearing test appointment and an amazing thing happened. The test. It happened. And, AND… it worked!
The test confirmed the results from the booth a week earlier. H still has moderate-severe hearing loss in his left ear and now has mild hearing loss in his right ear.
My immediate reaction was relief and joy that this chapter was finally coming to a close. We can now move on with hearing aids, and very likely we'll never need to drug H up to test his hearing again. Thank goodness.
But here I am a week later, sinking into sadness a bit because while I'm so excited to get H his hearing aids, H is getting hearing aids. You know? And that sucks. Can I just take a moment to say that? I work, work, work, so hard, all the time, to remind myself of all the good in this situation. That his hearing loss was caught early. That we have so much support. That the outcomes are so good these days. That the technology is so amazing. And I try never to compare our situation with anyone else, because everyone has struggles. And it could just be so much worse. If I didn't already know that, my many hours spent at Children's Hospital have drilled that into my heart.
Still, as I face the next hurdle of learing about hearing aids and trying to get a busy toddler to actually wear hearing aids, all I can feel right now is, this sucks. And so I'm going to give myself this week, to kick and scream and drag my heels and whine 'But I don't want to doooooooooo this'. And then somehow, I'm going to turn that off. Because you had better believe that when I get those zebra striped devices in my hands there will only be joy and excitement on my face for H to see. No doubt, he will have his own moments of 'this sucks'. Probably he'll have quite a few. And it's my deepest hope that it won't be such hard work for him to see the bright side.
I live in beautiful, rainy Vancouver, and these days I'm kicking around the city with my new son and my smarty pants husband. In a previous (and future) life I am a meteorologist. I express my non-artistic self through crafts (knitting, weaving, sewing just a bit), and sometimes if the mood is right I love to cook and bake. I write about what's going on in my life and these days that's motherhood.